“We know that all their players will have sex with animals to give them strength and courage the night before the match,
but we do not fear them,” said Branko Brnović, Montenegro’s national football team manager before his squad boarded a London-bound flight in Podgorica
on the day before Friday night’s David and Goliath showdown at Wembley, with a trip to the 2014 World Cup in Brazil on the line.
The wisecracking Brnović made the statement to Daily Vijesti
The Mighty Mice of Montenegro will march into Wembley without Captain Underpants in the lineup. Juventas striker Mirko Vucinic was given the title Captain Underpants when he pulled his shorts off after scoring a goal against Switzerland
during a 2009 Euro qualifier.
Vucinic said he did so to prove that, unlike the English, Montenegrin footballers do not wear their sisters’ underwear underneath their uniforms.
England leads Montenegro by one point in their World Cup qualifying group. Should the Mighty Mice be victorious in London they will only need to triumph over Moldova in Podgorica on Tuesday to become the smallest country (population 650,000) ever to qualify for the World Cup finals.
But they will have to do so without their fearless leader fearlessly leading the way. Captain Underpants is injured and shall not dress for the biggest match in Montenegrin football history.
Knowing that Montenegro’s chances are slim without Captain Underpants, manager Brnović has launched a desperate, last minute appeal to have England’s biggest threat, striker Wayne Rooney, drafted into his side.
“Just look at him,” said Brnović, “He’s so ugly.
He must be from Bijelo Polje. Tell me you can’t see the family resemblance between Rooney and the residents of Bijelo Polje. I dare you.”
Football’s world governing body FIFA will announce its decision at noon today. FIFA President Sepp Blatter
was circumspect about the issue, saying, “The Montenegrins have an interesting argument. But just because Rooney is horribly ugly, and has a donkey dick, it does not prove that he is from Bijelo Polje.”