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Ich bin ein Dortmunder

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I know all you Mairkans are an ignorant lot, so if you don’t understand that headline up there, substitute Berliner for Dortmunder and Google it. You’ll see it was one of yours who said those words and made them famous.

I find myself cheering for Borussia Dortmund in the Champions League, as of today.

borussia

Not because I am a Dortmund fan, but because I hate the Bumblefucks.

Bumblefucks? I renamed Great Britain, Bumblefuck, when I lived in London, for two very long years, in the late 90s.  I’ll spare y’all the long and entertaining tirade as to why I have such contempt for the Bumblefucks for now, but trust me, my reasons are valid and my disdain runs deep.

The Champions League quarter finals brackets are set up such that Dortmund is the only German team that can beat either of the Bumblefuck teams, Chelsea or Manchester United, in the final.

Chelsea and Man U are in the same bracket, along with Paris St. Germain and Bayern Munich.

Dortmund, obviously, are in the other bracket, along with the three Spanish entries, Real Madrid, Barcelona and Athletico Madrid.

As much as I hate the Bunblefucks, I want to see one Bumblefuck team get to the final because their fans will be far more crushed by losing in the final, than they will if they bow out prior to. And they will be far more crushed if they lose to a German side than they will if the lose to Spaniards.

The Bumblefucks still love to hate on the Germans over WW II. They will never let it go.  Fortunately, they’ve managed to develop a bit of a sense of humour about it all, as you can see if you watch this brilliant clip from Fawlty Towers (yes, you do want to watch this, it’s John Cleese, from Monty Python, and it’s only two minutes long… right, off you go and come back laughing).

The Bumblefucks are usually trampled underfoot when they come up against German opposition on the footy pitch, and that makes the Limeys nuts.  Whenever a German side plays a Bumblefuck side in footy, the London tabloids are filled with vitriolic diatribes about the evil Nazis. If they meet on Bumblefuck soil, the stands are filled with drunken yobs sporting Hitler moustaches

tabs

What makes this even more pathetic, and thus funnier, is that the Germans mostly don’t care about the alleged rivalry. The Germans have always considered the Dutch their greatest football rivals. And that makes the Bumblefucks even more insanely mad, which makes it all that much funnier.

Manchester United plays current German Champion Bayern Munich on Tuesday night. Man U is the most valuable sporting franchise in the world. In January 2013, the club became the first sports team in the world to be valued at $3 billion. Forbes Magazine valued the club at $3.3 billion – $1.2 billion higher than the next most valuable sports team.

In the past 20 years they have won  the English Premier League 12 times.  But in that same period they have only won the Champions League twice – in 99 over Bayern Munich, and in 08 over Chelsea.

The Reds are having an awful season on the domestic front. They stand 7th in the league tables, so it’s highly unlikely they will even qualify for next season’s Champions League (the top four English clubs go through automatically).

The Reds have qualified for the Champions League a record 18 consecutive times, and their fans are gonna be plenty destroyed if they don’t find their way back to the Big Show next year. But all is not lost for Man U because Champions League winners automatically qualify for next year’s competition.

Should the Reds win it all this year, they will be given England’s fourth spot in next year’s Champions League at the expense of the fourth place team in England, which looks to be a bitter Reds rival, Arsenal. Man U fans would REJOICE.

pigs

Yes, he's cutting his ear off

Yes, he’s cutting his ear off

 

Bayern Munich wrapped up another Bundesliga title this year, their 24th, with seven matches left to play (they don’t have playoffs in footy). They are the defending Champions League champions and have gone undefeated in their past 53 games. Undefeated in 53 straight! Mind boggling.

It will be considered nothing less than a miracle if  Man U defeats Bayern. But if they do, and they go on to beat Chelsea, who sit second in the Premier League, in the semi finals, Reds fans will be mad with joy and oozing cockiness, especially if they play little regarded Borrussia, instead of mighty Barcelona or equally mighty Real Madrid.

I would love to see Dortmund crush Man U’s balls

gaza balls crushed

in Lisbon, on March 24.

Tuesday

Manchester United vs Bayern Munich

Barcelona vs Athletico Madrid

Wednesday

Borussia Dortmund vs Real Madrid

Chelsea vs Paris St. Germain

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About zilla

i was born with skates on. i have three thumbs. i often wish i was a penguin. but i don't like fish, so maybe not.

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