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Hoping PSG, a team I hate, will beat Chelsea, a team I hate more, and other weird political football logic

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Despite what I told you lat week about having nothing but disdain for Bumblefuck, and wanting very much to see Manchester United play through to the final of this year’s Champions League, so their fans can suffer greater agony by losing to a German team, I am cheering for Paris St. Germain to win their quarter final over Chelsea.

psg

If Chelsea manages to overcome a 3 – 1 deficit and eliminate PSG tonight, they would play Man U in one semi-final. That would mean that at least one Bumblefuck team would make it through to the final, where, hopefully, they will be crushed.  Logically, then, I should be cheering for Chelsea tonight, right?  Wrong.

Why? Because as much a i hate Bumblefuck, I hate French football even more. Why? Because the French don’t give a flying fuck about football and no team that comes from a city or country that does not care about the sport they play should ever beat a team that comes from a place where their fans live and die with them. For all their faults, the Bumblefucks love football. The French? Com se, com sa.

I was in France for World Cup 98. En route to St. Etienne, to watch the England vs Argentina round of 16 match, I stopped in a small town for the night. Every municipality in France had at least one big screen TV set up in the town square, so everyone could gather and watch the world’s greatest sporting spectacle together.

wc 98

The French were playing Paraguay in their first elimination round match. It was beautiful, sunny Sunday. A perfect day to do nothing but watch football. There were not more than a dozen people watching the match with me. When Laurent Blanc scored, in the football equivalent of double overtime,

blanc

no one cared.

Le yawn.

le yawn

France, of course, went on to win that World Cup by stunning Brazil 3 – 1, after they drugged the Brazilian superstar Ronaldo  the night before the game. And then the French were all about football! Fair weather fans. Fuck ’em!

So, I want to see PSG triumph over Chelsea tonight and go on to meet Man U in the semis. Because I want those fair weather Frenchies to feel the crush of an English football cleat on their fickle Frenchie faces when they are even closer to glory.

french cry

I also want to see PSG beat Chelsea because Chelsea is owned by Russian oligarch Roman Abramovich.

ab

The multi billionaire bought Chelsea back in 2003. He did so with money that he purloined from the Russian people by being Boris Yeltsin’s bum buddy, after the dissolution of the Soviet Union.

When Yeltsin turned over ownership of the Soviet Union’s business assets to his sycophants, Abramovich was at the front of the line. Call me a Marxist, if you want, but I find that kind of out-and-out theft from the poor and downtrodden reprehensible.

Abramovich has poured money into Chelsea bu the whell barrow load. He’s buying his stairway to heaven. Actually, he bought his stairway to heaven, when Chelsea defeated Bayren Munich in the 2012 Champions League final.

PD*6651553

And I hate it when people buy championships (although I would not mind if the Vikings could buy themselves a Super Bowl at some point in my life, preferably before Adrian Peterson is still a one-eyed, one-horned, flying, purple people-eater).

Now, some Arab oil sheiks are trying to buy their own stairway to heaven with PSG. The Qutari governemnt – through its sovereign wealth fund, the Qutar Investment Authority – purchased majority ownership of PSG in 2011. Qutar will play host to the 2022 World Cup. I suspect that the Emir won that honour for his country by greasing a lot of FIFA palms.

Now, the Qutaris are cutting corners to pay for all that FIFA baksheesh. The de facto slaves they’ve imported from the poorest countries of the world  to build the infrastructure needed to host a World Cup, in insane 40 + degree heat, are being worked, literally, to death.

guardian

I’ll get around to posting about this horror show at another date but suffice it to say that I find it difficult to get behind any team owned by such monsters.

The only thing I like about PSG is their star striker, Zlatan Ibrahimović. The big Swede – yeah, I know, funny name for a Swede – is a magician. He scored one of the three most spectacular goals I have ever seen, in a Sweden vs England friendly on November 14, 2012

FYI, the other two unbelievable goals I’ve seen live (on TV, not in person) are:

Diego Maradona, Argentine vs England, World Cup 1986

Everyone knows the infamous Hand of God goal from that game but watch what he did to follow it up

My favourite is the Dutchman Dennis Bergkamp’s gem from the 1998 World Cup Holland vs Argentina quarter final.

I love this goal not only for its brilliance but because Holland is my favourite football country and it’s against Argentina, who beat the Dutch in the final of the 1978 World Cup. That tourney was staged in Argentina and it is widely accepted that the Arhie-Bargoies  bought their way int the knockout round

It’s also alleged that another wedge of cash had to go the Peruvian government, as the Argentines resorted to bribing Peru in a their final group game, where Argentina needed to win at least 4-0 to guarantee progression to the semis. Peru were no means a bad side, and when they lost 6-0 eyebrows were raised.

The Sunday Times broke this story on the eve of England’s clash with Argentina in 1986, claiming that Argentina had shipped 35,000 tons of free grain to Peru, along with free arms and unfroze $50m in credits that the Argentine national bank was holding. With Peruvian generals short of money and happy to help a fellow junta, they were happy to assist.

 Anyway, here’s the Bergkamp beauty:

Tonight’s other quarter final match is between Real Madrid and Borussia Dortmund. I explained last week why I want Dortmud to win it all this year. Alas, they lost the first leg against Real 3 – 0, in Madrid and will need something akin to a miracle to go through to the semis, but it’s not beyond belief. Should Borussia knock off Real I will further explainwhy I like Dortmucd. Should Real triumph, I will explain why I hate RealMadrid.

And I will endeavor to preview tomorrow’s other quarter final match-ups on the morrow. Last week Manchester United fought Bayer Munich to a 1 – 1 draw on their home field at Old Trafford, and Athletico Madrid managed a 1 – 1 draw against mighty Barcelona, in Barcelona.

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About zilla

i was born with skates on. i have three thumbs. i often wish i was a penguin. but i don't like fish, so maybe not.

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