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Ronald Fuckin’ McDonald

Vancouver Courier
February 13, 1994
Page 1 & 2
Dark Clown ‘McEnters’ Race
McDonald’s not laughing at other Ronald’s campaign antics
Mike Usinger

With a Marlboro in hand and a bottle of B.C. rot-gut in his mouth, grease-painted horror show Ronald F. McDonald staggered into the Quilchena by-election Wednesday.

Like his more famous namesake, McDonald sports a nuclear-meltdown-yellow jumpsuit with candy-cane-stripped arms. His skin is a sickly, corpse-like white, his hair the colour of outlawed food dye, red number 2.

Where hamburger huckster Ronald McDonald is a happy, corporate-minded clown, Ronald F. McDonald is not.

His middle initial stands for a word that rhymes with “clucking.” He gets drunk in public, ingests illegal mind-altering substances, and hands out leaflets with pictures of convicted murderer Karla Teale on them. The handouts feature the words: “Vote for the Clown or I’ll Kill You.” Flip them over, and you’ll find banned information from Teale’s trial, including graphic descriptions of how Karla and Paul Teale allegedly killed their victims.

Until late December, Ronald F. McDonald was better known as Brian (Godzilla) Salmi, founding member of the Gnu Democratic Rhino Reform Party.

“I applied to have my name changed right after the Vancouver municipal election. It finally went through on December 29,” he said. “It was a very hard decision for me, being the media-slut that I am.”

Re-christened McDonald, the former Salmi sat back and waited Premier Mike Harcourt to call the Quilchena by-election. His name may have changed but his party affiliation hasn’t – he’s the official candidate for the Gnu Democratic rhino Reform Party for the riding.

If elected he’ll give people $5,000 if they’ll move to Alberta and collect welfare. “I’m calling it a screw (Alberta Premier) Ralph Klein initiative.

For his first day of main-streeting, Salmi picked up a bottle of cheap B.C. wine and chugged it down outside the McDonald’s Restaurant in Kerrisdale. Campaign leaflets in hand, he then headed into the fast-food outlet to meet constituents.

“I was confronted by a very angry manager,” he snickered. “He told me to take the costume off. I said, ‘What do you want me to do, campaign naked?’”

The manager eventually phoned the police who escorted Ronald McDonald off the premises.

When I first heard about this guy, I thought someone was pulling my leg,” said Ron Marcoux, President and CEO of McDonald’s Western Canada. “This guy is a real kook.”

Because Ronald McDonald is a legal name, Marcoux said there is nothing McDonald’s can legally do to stop him.

“The best thing you can do with somebody like this is ignore them – we’re not going to give him any celebrity,” he said. “Have you seen the pamphlets he’s handing out? It’s disgusting stuff – it’s enough to make you sick.”

Vancouver lawyer David Sutherland said Ronald F. McDonald is risking prosecution by distributing details of the Teale case.

‘We’ve been given a court order, and it’s clear that it’s intended to have a national scope,” Sutherland said. It’s a crime, punishable by two years in jail, to break that order.”

McDonald said he’s not worried about the possible legal ramifications of distributing the banned material.

“I’ve been in jail before,” he laughed.

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