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SWEET AND SALTY CRACKERS

A BLUE BABOON WITH A BIG BALLOON

“Wake up, Rah Rah Ronny,” said his sister Bon-bon Bonny

Rah Rah Ronny was dreaming a dreamy dream. The red-headed rascal was dreaming of a blue baboon with a BIG balloon, who was singing a loony tune.

I am free
as can be
and I swing from every tree
play with me
play with me
don’t you want to play with me?

This blue baboon
with a BIG balloon
will soon be walking on the moon
come with me
come with me
don’t you want to come with me?

“Wake up, Rah Rah Ronny, it is time to go to school.”

Rah Rah Ronny was not happy! “Go to school? Go to school? I don’t want to go to school. I don’t want to go to school, ‘cause they have too many rules.”

“That’s not true, that’s not true, they don’t have too many rules,” bellowed Bon-bon Bonny. “Rules in schools, are just tools, to stop boys from being fools.”

“That’s not true, that’s not true, they always tell me what to do!” replied Rah Rah Ronny. “I don’t fool, not in school, no I never, ever do.”

“So say you.”

“Yes I do, yes I do, and it’s absolutely true! Go to school? Go to school? No one tells me what to do! I want to play, play all day, but they take my toys away.”

“Don’t be dumb, school is fun,” barked Bon-bon Bonny. “You have friends, they’re your crew, and you all learn a thing or two.”

“This is true, I have my crew, and we all learn a thing or two. I’m not dumb, school is fun, give me my shoes, I have to run.”

Rah Rah Ronny put his red runners over his furry feet and ran to school singing his silly song, his loony tune about the blue baboon with a BIG balloon:

I am free
as can be
and I swing from every tree
play with me
play with me
don’t you want to play with me?

This blue baboon
with a BIG balloon
will soon be walking on the moon
come with me
come with me
don’t you want to come with me?

THE END

NUMMY NUMMY YUMMY YUMMY NOM NOM NOM!

On a sweltering sunny summer Sunday, Silly Sally was sitting on a bench. A girl, named Bon-bon Bonny, and her twin brother, a rowdy, red headed rascal named Rah Rah Ronny, who had furry feet, sat down beside Silly Sally.

Bon-bon Bonny opened a big bag of bite-sized brownies and handed it to Rah Rah Ronny. The red-headed rascal gleefully gobbled one of the chewy gooey goodies and grinned gleefully.

Rah Rah Ronny offered a bite-sized brownie from the big brown bag to Silly Sally.

Silly Sally smiled and said, “No, no, not for me, thank you.”

Rah Rah Ronny rolled his eyes round and round and replied, “No, no, not for you? No way?” Then he grinned and gobbled another chewy gooey goody, making “nom-nom-nom” noises.

Silly Sally smiled again and said to Rah Rah Ronny, “Nom-nom-nom. Nom-nom-nom.”

Rah Rah Ronny grabbed a handful of chewy gooey goodies, He gleefully gobbled them all, “Nom-nom-nom!” Then he offered a bite-sized brownie to Silly Sally.

Bon-bon Bonny beamed and said to Silly Sally, “No, no, not for you?”

“No, no, not for me” said Silly Sally.

Rah Rah Ronny rocked back on his furry feet. He pondered. He was puzzled. He was perplexed. He wondered, ‘Why does Silly Sally not want one of the chewy gooey goodies? Why does Silly Sally not want one of the brownies from the big brown bag?’

Rah Rah Ronny looked at Silly Sally and smiled. Silly Sally smiled at Rah Rah Ronny. Rah Rah Ronny offered the big brown bag of  brownies, the big brown bag filled with chewy gooey goodies, to Silly Sally.

Silly Sally smiled and snatched the big brown bag from Rah Rah Ronny’s hand. Rah Rah Ronny looked at Silly Sally with his suddenly sad eyes, and screamed, “MY big bag of brownies! MY chewy gooey goodies! No, no, not for you, Silly Sally! MY big brown bag of brownies! MY chewy gooey goodies!”

Silly Sally smiled and offered the big brown bag of brownies to Bon-bon Bonny.

Rah Rah Ronny and Bon-bon Bonny looked at each other. Suddenly, Rah Rah Ronny and Bon-bon Bonny understood why Silly Sally had said,” No, no, not for me!”

It was because Silly Sally wanted Rah Rah Ronny to share the big brown bag of brownies with Bon-bon Bonny.

Bon-bon Bonny grabbed one of the chewy gooey goodies from the big brown bag of bite-sized brownies.

Rah Rah Ronny grabbed one of the chewy gooey goodies from the big brown bag of bite-sized brownies.

Silly Sally grabbed one of the chewy gooey goodies from the big brown bag of bite-sized brownies.

Then all three of them grinned gleefully and gobbled the chewy gooey goodies, “Nummy nummy yummy yummy nom-nom-nom!”

THE END

NO YOU CAN’T EAT MY FURRY FEET

it was raining cats and kangaroos

It was raining cats and kangeroos on a cold and clammy day

“Let’s sing the silly  ‘I love’ song to chase the clouds away,” said Silly Sally.

Rah Rah Ronny,  a rowdy, red-headed rascal with fuury feet, roared, “I love lazy lions and I love licorice.”

Rah Rah Roony’s twin sister, Bon-bon Bonny, bellowed, “I love giant giraffes and I love juicy jam.”

“Juicy jam?” asked Silly Sally

“Juicy jam, juicy jam, juicy jam, juicy jam!” jabbered Rah Rah Ronny. “I’m doing the juicy jam dance!” Then they all did the juicy jam dance!

“I love funny froggies and I love French fries,” sang Silly Sally

I love funny froggies and I love my furry feet,” laughed Rah Rah Ronny.

“Hee hee hee, ha ha ha, ho ho ho,” everyone laughed, pointing at the red-headed rascal’s furry feet. “Furry feet, furry feet, furry feet, furry feet,” they all sang.

“Ha ha ha, hee hee hee, ho ho ho,” they all laughed.

“But we can’t eat your furry feet,” sang Silly Sally.

“No, you can’t eat my furry feet,” laughed Rah Rah Ronny. “No, you can’t eat my furry feet, they’re not meant for you to eat, Silly Sally, Silly Sally, Silly Sally, silly girl ”

“I love laughing llamas and I love lasagne,” boomed Bon-bon Bonny.

“MMMMM! Lasagne!” mmmmed Rah Rah Ronny.

“Nummy nummy, yummy yummy, nom nom nom,” they all mmmmed

I love laughing llamas and I love my furry feet,” laughed Rah Rah Ronny.

“But we can’t eat your furry feet,” laughed Silly Sally.

“No, you can’t eat my furry feet, they’re not meant for you to eat, Silly Sally, Silly Sally, Silly Sally, silly girl,” laughed Rah Rah Ronny.

“Furry feet, furry feet, fury feet, furry feet,” they all sang.

Silly Sally sang, “I love mini monkeys and I love moo moo milk.”

I love mini monkeys and I love my furry feet,” laughed Rah Rah Ronny.

“But we can’t eat your furry feet,” laughed Silly Sally.

“No, you can’t eat my furry feet, they’re not meant for you to eat, Silly Sally Silly Sally Silly Sally, silly girl,” laughed Rah Rah Ronny.

“Furry feet, furry feet, fury feet, furry feet,” they all sang.

“I love you and I love you and I love me,” boomed Bon-bon Bonny.

“I love you and I love you and I love me,” roared Rah Rah Ronny.

“I love you and I love you and I love me,” sang Silly Sally

“I love me! I love me! I love me!” sang all three.

“Ha ha ha, ho ho ho, hee hee hee,” they laughed, with glee.

Then they looked out the window and it was not raining cats and kangeroos anymore. It was not cold and clammy. The sun was smiling. All the love and laughter had chased the clouds away.

THE END

HAIRY HARRY THE NEW TOOTH FAIRY (a Valentine for Andrea Brown)

Silly Sally’s tooth was loose,
it was going to come out.
It did not hurt, there was no pain,
no need to scream and shout.

She put her finger on the tooth,
it went wiggle, wiggle, wiggle.
The funny wobbling feelings
made her giggle, giggle, giggle.

Silly Sally said, “If the new tooth is a fang,
I might be a vampire!
And if that is the case,
I will need to acquire the appropriate attire.”

“If your new tooth is a fang,”
laughed Rah Rah Ronny,
“you might be an orangutang.”

“You mean to say ‘oranguTAN’,
my furry-footed friend,”
said Silly Sally,
“because there is no G on the end.”

“A monkey is a monkey,
with a G or not,”
replied Rah Rah Ronny.
“And if you are a monkey,
your parents will be distraught.”

Silly Sally said, “Orangutans are not monkeys,
even though they have a monkey kind of shape.
If it doesn’t have a tail it’s not a monkey.
If it doesn’t have a tail it’s not a monkey,
it’s an ape.
Veggie Tales taught me that.”

Silly Sally kept wiggle, wiggle, wiggling
her wobbly, wobbly tooth,
until out it came.
“Now I am a vampire!”
the little girl exclaimed.

Bon-bon Bonny babbled,
“If you are Count Dracula, I am a tarantula.
If you are Count Dracula, I am a tarantula.
If you are Count Dracula, I am a tarantula.”

Then, a little creature popped out of thin air.
It had white hair everywhere,
like a pretty polar bear.
It was small and cute and furry,
and it spoke in an awful hurry.

“Bonjour! I concur,” it said.
“She is still a girl, for sure.”

“Who and what are you?” asked Bon-bon Bonny.
“Yeah, who and what are you,” repeated Rah Rah Ronny.

“My name is Harry, and I am a fairy,”
answered Harry the Fairy.

“You are very hairy for a fairy,”
said Silly Sally.
“You are not scary, little Harry,
but you are extraordinary.”

“I am not extraordinary.
I have proof to the contrary.
Please meet:
Hairy Terry,
Hairy Jerry,
Hairy Carey,
Hairy Gary,
Hairy Barry,
Harry Perry
and Hairy Larry.
We are the new breed of tooth fairy.”

“So,” roared Rah Rah Ronny,
“you have come for her tooth,
and you are going to give her money?!”

“Not so fast there, little sonny.
Times are tough, we have no money,”
said Hairy Harry the tooth fairy.
“Just what would you do if we gave you cash?
I bet that you would make a quick dash,
straight to the candy store,
and we can tolerate than no more.
That’s why the old tooth fairies were shown the door.”

Silly Sally was dejected.
“Not a vampire,
and now no money,” she sighed.
“All my wishes have been rejected.”

“Cheer up, Silly Sally,
we do have something for you,”
said Hairy Harry the tooth fairy.
“And we will teach you something new, too!”

Then Harry,
Terry,
Gary,
Jerry,
Carey,
Perry
and Larry
plucked fur from their bodies hairy.

“Look here, children,” said Hairy Harry
do you see these things,
that we have separated
into strings?”

Silly Sally, Rah Rah Ronny and Bon-bon Bonny all nodded,
and the hairy tooth fairies applauded.

“This is dental floss,” said Hairy Harry the tooth fairy.
“And this is a little trick to keep your teeth clean,
in between,
where bacteria grow,
but are never seen.”

Hairy Harry the tooth fairy
Wrapped a string around two fingers.
He said,
“Some food gets in between your teeth and lingers.”

Between two teeth he slid the string,
then gave his wrists a little fling.
Again and again the string went down and up,
and forth and back,
the invisible bacteria were under attack!
“You must do this every time you brush,
because the bacteria always come back,”
said Hairy Harry the tooth fairy.

“Yes, sir,” said Rah Rah Ronny.

“You’re the boss,” said Bon-bon Bonny.

“Brush and floss, brush and floss, brush and floss, brush and floss,” said Silly Sally.

THE END

NASTY NANCY THE WOOLY BULLY

Nasty Nancy was nothing but trouble. Rarely clean and always mean, Nasty Nancy had eyes of green. She woe black and black and still more black. Always surly, never girly, Nasty Nancy was bad and burly.

Nasty Nancy did not like Silly Sally. “Beat you up, beat you up, I am going to beat you up,” nattered Nasty Nancy.

“Beat me up? Beat me up? Why do you want to beat me up?” said Silly Sally “I don’t fight! I won’t fight! Beat me up? What’s wrong with you? It is just not right!”

“Beat you up! Beat you up! I am going to beat you up,” Nasty Nancy nattered.

“Silly Sally is my friend and I will defend her until the end,” roared Rah Rah Ronny. “Beat her up? Beat her up? No, you will never beat her up!”

Bon-bon Bonny, twin sister of Rah Rah Roony, boomed, “Let’s not fight! It’s not right. Let’s not fight! Let’s not fight! Let’s not fight! It’s not right!’”

“Beat you up! Beat you up! I am going to beat you up,” Nasty Nancy nattered, pointing at Silly Sally.

“You don’t fool me, you don’t hate Silly Sally,” bellowed Bon-bon Bonny to Nasty Nancy.

“She’s so weird, she will probably grow a beard,” nattered Nasty Nancy. “Why does she have to dress alike that? With her stupid shoes and her stupid hat. What, please tell me, is up with that?”

“Silly Sally is so special. She is different and distinct, and there is nothing wrong with that, I think,” babbled Bon-bon Bonny.

“Silly Sally makes me laugh, with her silly shoes, and her silly hat,” giggled Rah Rah Ronny. “What, please tell me, is wrong with that?”

“You are different, too,” said Silly Sally to Nasty Nancy. “You have hair like a sheep, but that does not make you a creep. We do not call you wooly bully, Nasty Nancy.”

“Why do you call me Nasty Nancy?” asked Nasty Nancy. “I am not nasty! I am not ghastly.”

Rah Rah Ronny told Nasty Nancy, “Well, you are not very nice. You are, in fact, as cold as ice. Why so mean? Why so mean? Why, please tell me, are you always so mean?”

“Try to smile, once in a while. Anyone can do it, even a crocodile,” snickered Silly Sally. “Don’t be so glum, I can be your chum,”

“Don’t pretend, to be my friend,” Nasty Nancy snarled at Silly Sally.

“Pretend? Pretend? This is not pretend, I do want to be your friend,” said Silly Sally.

“Me too!” boomed Bon-bon Bonny.

“Me three!” roared Rah Rah Ronny

“Really, really? Really truly? You want to be my friends? Then NastyNancy must come to an end!” said Nancy. “I can be nice. I’ve done it once or twice. I can smile, like a crocodile,” said Nancy, and she did! On her face was a smile like a crocodile!

“We will be friends, until the end!” said Silly Sally to no longer nasty Nancy.

THE END

TELL THE TRUTH, IN THE BOOTH, OR YOU WILL BE SENT TO DULUTH

There once was a boy named Troy McCoy.
Troy got great joy from making noise.
Boom boom, whoop whoop,
crash, bing, bang, pow!
“Oh my, oh my, what is it now?” asked Silly Sally.

That fact that Troy made so much noise,
did not annoy the girls and boys.
What did annoy the girls and boys
was that Troy had trouble telling the truth.

“I did not do it,
not one little bit.
You cannot prove I threw a fit,” said Troy McCoy.

“You did, I saw you,” said Bob-bon Bonnie.
“You took your shoe and threw it through
the Humpty Dumpty loopty-loop.
It hit the pyramid of toys
and made that awful, awful noise.”

“I did not do it,
not one little bit,” said Troy McCoy,
the noisy, noisy, noisy boy.
“I never threw my baby blue shoe
through the Hummpty Dumpty loopty-loop.
I did not make those awful sounds,
you cannot charge me, you have no grounds,”

Rah Rah Ronnie,
twin brother of Bon-bon Bonnie,
looked at Troy McCoy,
the noisy, noisy, noisy boy, and said,
“I saw you too, and I have proof,
I took this picture from on the roof.
There’s your shoe, in your right hand.
We don’t believe you, please take the stand.”

Silly Sally told Troy McCoy,
“You are the accused,
and we are not amused.
You will have to enter the booth of truth.
Please attach the truth detector to your tooth.”

“Booth of truth? Booth of truth?
Just what on Earth is this booth of truth,” asked Troy McCoy.

Bob-bon Bonnie bellowed,
“Straight from the booth,
to Duluth,
if you do not tell the truth!
Tell the truth,
in the booth,
OR you will be sent to Duluth.”

Silly Sally smiled and said,
“Pinnochio?
He had to go.
Now he is an Eskimo.
So tell the truth,
in the booth,
or you will be sent to Duluth.”

“OH no, please no.
No, no, not there.
I do not have long underwear!”
said Troy McCoy
with zero joy.

“No, no, please no,
no, not Duluth.
I promise, I promise, I’ll tell the truth.”

“It’s good that you will no more lie,”
said Rah Rah Ronnie,
“so we don’t have to say goodbye.
Now, about your noise pollution.
Do you have a quick solution?
You yell and you yammer,
you hum and you hammer,
you sing and you stammer.
You make more noise than a hundred boys
with a thousand noisy, noisy toys.
So what’s the solution to your noise pollution?”

Troy McCoy, the too loud boy,
promised that he would make no more noise,
“Oh, I’ll be quiet.
I’ll start no riot.
’ll even go on a noise-free diet.
I promise, promise, promise you,
you will not even hear me chew.”

THE END

And a new addition to the Sweet and Salty Crackers crew: Niffin Bob Niffin

A SIBLING FOR ME

Niffin Bob Niffin
was left in the kitchen
to do all the dishes
along came a Wydim
which sat down beside him
and said, “I grant you three wishes.”

“Three wishes, not four?
Can’t I have just one more”
asked niffin Bob Niffin
as he sat on the floor

The Wydim beside him
was puzzled and scuzzled
but then it began to bray
“”Four wishes, not three
will satisfy thee?

It’s going to be a long day”

“Now don’t you get grumpy
you frumpy, you lumpy
said Niffin Bob Niffin
to the Wydim beside him
“My father digs ditches,
my mother, she stitches
I have to wash dishes
you get to grant wishes!”

“You’ve got a great job
for such a big slob
your work gives you no pain
so don’t you complain.”
said Nifffin Bob Niffin
to the Wydim beside him

The Wydim beside him
first smiled with glee
then said, “I agree.
Four wishes I grant thee”

“First I want a Pookie
but not as big as a tree
and not as small as a flea.
Please give one, please give one, please give one to me.”

“I don’t know what that is
does it bubble and fizz
Is it tall as a giraffe?
Does it come with a graph?”

“A pookie can be
what I want it to be
I can pull it apart
without making it fart
I can put it together
and give it pink feathers
so it flies like a dove
with a big baseball glove
that it keeps in its snuvv
which is made of pure love”

The Wydim was puzzled
but no longer scuzzled
it started to dance
and it started to sing
“This Pookie sounds
like a wonderful thing.
What else can it do
please tell me, be true.”

“Sing the theme song from Grease
stop a shot in the crease
make you laugh like John Cleese
It can bring the world peace.

make a car from a shoe,
turn a tree green to blue
a Pookie will do
what I want it to”

“I see, yes I do, ” said the lumpy wish-granter
This Pookie of yours is quite an enchanter
There’s nothing quite like it, not in any store
I’ve never made anything like one before.”

Niffin Bob Niffin agreed, “It’s one of a kind
Please make one for me, if you do not mind.”

“There is one thing I don’t understand
About your wish, about your command

If a Pookie will be what you want it to be
why do you need four wishes, not three?
If a Pookie will do what you want it to,
Why would you even need two?

“There is one thing a Pookie can’t be.
A Pookie can’t be a sibling to me.
So, give my other two wishes
to my father and mother
and ask them to make me
a sister and brother”

 

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